Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
