Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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