I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
