Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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