I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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