When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
