Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My vagina is very pro this idea
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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