Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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