Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
