i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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