if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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