i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize