come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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