Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize