this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize