About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
