I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
