i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
not ubering you a puppy
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
