when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
