Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
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