Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
