She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
