Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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