Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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