She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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