I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
