He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
