someone threw a dead crab at me
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
