my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
