I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
