How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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