So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Did we literally take a cab across the street
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
