I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize