i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
