It was confusing and full of hummus
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
where are you?
Hypothermia
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Randomize
