So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
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