I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
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