my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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