If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
