so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
