I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
