YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
