Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
