Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
