Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
