just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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