so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
