ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
