i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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