whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize