i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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