Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
