wanna go halves on a baby?
barbara walters just said penis...
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
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