In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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