we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
