so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
