Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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