thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize