She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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