Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
