Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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