dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize