dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize