He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
