Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
