Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
