i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
