May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
