she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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