Jerry, you need to find god
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
