Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
