I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
