So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
