fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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