did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
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